worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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