Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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