why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
