You're so nebulous sometimes
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
