arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
