My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
