He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I see more hoeing in ur future
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
