Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
