whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
