I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
false alarm, still single
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
