I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
