i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
