I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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