Apparently you make a good broom.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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