I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
