There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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