Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
