I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just invented taco cereal.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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