Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
