And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My cat gives me a boner
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you will always have a special place in my vag
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
