hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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