We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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