Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
