No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
