living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
