I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I believe in your delicious
Randomize
