drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Holy shit dude........stairs
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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