How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
