lets start a swedish sibling band together
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He passed out mid-signature
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
