I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
