He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
