I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
