Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You're like the curious george of whores
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
