Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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