hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
