idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
