so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
