you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
