We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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