I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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