I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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