at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
