we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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