Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
