im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
