Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Randomize
