Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
