So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
