i think i have herpe
just one?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I wish there were birth control emojis
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
