So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
