before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
