But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
