My friends, they love my intelligence
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
